there was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy.

i want

to get out of this town. i want to go camping. no i need to go camping. i need some adventure in this mundane routine that i call my life. i want to go out into the wilderness and just get lost. i want to sit around a campfire with friends and tell stories and roast marshmallows. i want to enjoy the pure nature around me. but most of all, i want to lay under the stars and breathe in the clean crisp air. i want it to cut into my lungs. i want it to hurt. a good hurt. because it is such a drastic change from this pollution i suck into my lungs every day.


to go home. no i need to go home. i miss my family. i miss my sister jenna because she is so unconditionally loving. she's an amazing artist. she's the best little sister i can hope for. i miss my brother max because every time i come home, he's grown at least an inch and this is a physical reminder of how much i am missing in his life. i miss my sister jamie because every time i come home i expect her to be there, but she's not. she's married and out of the house and i'm still not used to it. i miss my brother cristian because he is one of the greatest examples of a person that has a pure and good heart. i miss my dad because he's so strong and supportive and always there for me. and plus, his hugs are the best. i miss my mom. oh do i miss my mom. we bicker, we fight, but deep down we know its because we're an exact replica of eachother, and this is the greatest friend god could have given me. i want to go home.

to know what i'm doing with my life. i go to school. for what? who knows. i go to work. for what? to pay rent in order to live at a place that is close to where i'm going to school for...oh yea. i have no clue. life is so repetative, so mundane, so BORING.


BUT
somehow
i
am
content


i have this deep joy. why? i have no clue. but i don't think i'm meant to understand. i think all that i'm meant to know for sure is that god will provide for me. and in that, i am content. i'm here because he wants me to be here. it's hard, yes. one of the hardest things i've ever done. but god will tell me when he's ready for me to go. and god, guess what?


I'M LISTENING!